it's been a little while. life has been stressful (as an understatement). but i've been finding joy and comfort in the small places where i can. it's been hard not to be fatalistic about the state of the world. somehow, i'm the person at work who is the optimist who finds the silver lining (which is a very dark place to be as a perennial pessimist).
first, i've found joy and comfort again in literature. i've started to read substantially more books than before. but apparently, my definition of 'relaxing' is different than other people's because i've been reading what some people might call "political" literature about the models of systemic oppression of minorities. i've also been reading about an old topic i was fond of learning more about--the Comstock laws. thinking about the methods of oppression of speech at the turn of the twentieth century can also be instructive for the modern day--how much easier it would be to build a coalition against with a loaded word like "obscene."
does the topic touch on current issues? yes, but that doesn't mean i can't find joy and comfort in the works. people of the time worked diligently to continue to transmit and spread information despite the risk of fines, fees, and penalties including jail and prison sentences. while methods of transmission can be oppressed, humans will find a way to continue to share and propagate the targeted knowledge. community finds a way.
don't get me wrong, i have also been reading some science fiction in the last few months, which is also very out of character for me, but i'm starting to understand why people enjoy it as a genre. science fiction is a space to push back against reality using a constructed stand-in for reality in the literature. the critique appears differently when it is approached from this angle.
the kind of media i have dropped off of is television and movies. i hardly ever watch any kind of visual media anymore. it seems like more of a distraction than anything. i find joy in watching very few forms of visual media.
i am finding comfort in learning. knowledge is a vast ocean of soup, and i am cold and thirsty (why my brain concocts such language i will never understand). i'm finding comfort in streaming internet radio stations to find new music. i'm finding joy in collating and organizing my music collection. i am finding joy in the cracks of this moment in recognizing where we can never be deprived of ourselves.
currently listening to: morning by beck
this week's album: the city isn't big enough by apes of the state, 2016, folk punk